I already made a few resolutions and I really don’t want to jinx myself further so I’ve decided to skip right ahead to reviewing this year instead of 2012.
To set the scene…….it’s December 2013. Winter. Very similar to the previous year, and we’ve found out that due to a slight clerical error by Mayan Undersecretary of Timekeeping Ix Chel, it turns out the apocalypse is actually happening THIS year. Thanks a lot, Ix. What a jerk.
Please note that all of the below is Very Serious and none of it is Funny Or Tongue In Cheek In Any Way Whatsoever.
I Got a New Job. Working for The Claus.
It’s been quite a year on the career front. In January I gave myself a new profile img, and noticed how old I look. I went a few days too long on shaving in February and realized I’m on my way to growing a white beard. While this was a little weird at first (I’m 29 for goodness sake) it turned out to be a major boon when I received a call in July from some guy garbling incomprehensibly about wooden toys, candy, and being behind schedule. When I calmed him down enough to get some actual words out it was revealed that his wife demanded he hire a real project manager and the rest is history.
I’m kind of a weird person in secret but in 2013 I really let my flag fly. Inspired by other weirdos (you know who you are, right?) I got down with my goofy self. I did my second ever stand-up comedy set (the first one was a disaster, but that’s another story). I wrote about some embarrassing moments in my life. And I stopped restraining the awkward laughs, at the expense of my reputation as the serious, buttoned up type. Yes, I am still incredibly responsible, and think way too much. But hey, it wasn’t a bad start. I recommend letting your weird out, it’s a blast.
Music To My Ears
After threatening to write a proper album for a couple of years, 2013 exceeded all expectations when I wrote not one, but two albums of solo material. Granted, there were a few gimme songs, like “I paid more taxes in 2013 than I did in 2012” and the surprisingly popular tautological anthem “This is the song that I have written that you are listening to on your stereo that you purchased for listening to songs.”
I also went on a tour of the South and the East Coast and discovered that people are nice everywhere. Unfortunately this included one man in Hephzibah, Georgia offering me his rather worn boxers when he noticed I’d played a gig without any on. I don’t really want to talk about how he noticed OR the state of the boxers he offered me.
I am secretly a 36 year old woman who loves pantsuits.
After years in the closet I finally accepted that I am secretly a career woman in my late 30s stuck in a 29 year old guy’s body. I spent a lot of time in the past trying to pretend that I wasn’t reading mommy blogs and columns by career women when in fact I’m kind of obsessed with them and am fascinated with the career vs. kids conversation. Apparently my intellectual and spiritual self relates closely to women in their mid to late 30s. It’s kinda weird. I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand. I blame The Atlantic for all those articles about professional women trying to be successful while balancing home life. Did I mention one of my idols is Hillary Clinton? You are forbidden on pain of death from mentioning this to my dude friends, but for the luffagod that woman is smart and has such a perfect sense of style that it’s just ridiculous.
So there you have it. 2013 Was A Great Year. I can’t wait for 2014.