TaGQ: Shall ye friend first then date, or just date first?

A friend was telling me about her experience with online dating recently and mentioned that she liked the fact that she got to go on real dates right from the start, as opposed to how some men simply ask her to hang out informally.

I’ve been on a couple of first dates (at least I think they were dates) in the last month. Kind of like this article I find myself enjoying some of them, but unsure of how to followup. Actually, I recently came to the realization that unlike my friend mentioned above, I don’t really like dating that much. Contrary to what you might think this doesn’t mean I’m anti-social, in fact I get a long with a variety of people and with the exception of extremely formal events I’m comfortable connecting with new people. Basically, I like building friendships.

Continue reading TaGQ: Shall ye friend first then date, or just date first?


A running start on resolutions, my movie cameo, how you can have Fun-A-Day and thoughts on Not Being Dead

Eventually I was going to write up a post that is a mix-mash of thoughts, and apparently this is that post…


I spent some time this week thinking about resolutions for the New Year, and for the first time ever found myself in the position of feeling like I’ve already started on all the things I want to do next year.

Already in progress are: exercising more, cutting down on drinking soda and alcoholic beverages, engaging in creative physical exertions (biking more, had my 1st massage ever, going to yoga), small but fun art projects, jamming with friends on their ideas, and regularly re-thinking about how I want to live my life.

One of the things I want to focus on is being creative every single day. I’ve been writing and playing music consistently since August. I’ve been writing a song a day and started recording some of them a couple of weeks ago.

Which leads me to…..

Continue reading A running start on resolutions, my movie cameo, how you can have Fun-A-Day and thoughts on Not Being Dead

I remember this

The birds stretched their beaks out and rocked back on their heels.

I stood on the railroad tie, locking glances with the wires opposite as you touched my palm with your fingertips.

Either we were in love or we were dead but we could not be both.

Do You Remember? Our concerns were someone else’s problem and We Knew that love would be enough but we hadn’t considered that it might not matter if we lived on it if we couldn’t stay alive couldn’t drive couldn’t keep our breath going in, out, in, and out again.

This was before the economy crashed, before our parents fell apart, before our love turned to dust on that shelf we’d carefully stowed it away on. Now we’re bound to statistics, to the last few black and white stories in the last few black and white papers, to the roots we’re not sure belong to us.

I remember this, and more.

On careless conversations about rape and the Good Men Project debacle

I’ve kept pretty quiet about the furor over Good Men Project’s decision to run Alyssa Royse’s “Nice Guys Commit Rape Too” article and their posting of an unrepentant “party rapist.”

I did make an initial comment on Ally Fogg’s insightful post “On why men rape, and why they don’t” because I thought he nailed the consent issue head on:

“I simply cannot accept that any reasonably intelligent and informed man (and by the description I’m assuming this man is both) doesn’t know full well that just because a woman wanted to have sex with you earlier in the evening, or last week, or last month, does not mean she necessarily wants to have sex with you right now. People have the right to change their mind, to develop a headache, or to lose a mood – not to mention fall asleep.”

I also wrote a piece of my own that brought up some unpleasant memories from college, including one where I’d felt, at the very least, coerced.

That combined with the conversation as a whole and vitriolic back and forth between various people/publications I follow online left me feeling pretty weird and unable to write for a couple of weeks, both on the subject of rape and in general.

Like many writers I have issues with the way Good Men Project chose to address the topic. There are plenty of good points to be made about the need for clearer consent, and I’ve had my share of conversations about better education and advocacy…but I think they went about it all wrong.

Continue reading On careless conversations about rape and the Good Men Project debacle

I sent this letter to my sister about missing our mom during the holidays

Here’s what it said:

Hi sis,

I’ve been meaning to write you for a long while, and finally have the time/right thoughts.

I recommend you read this this when you have some downtime, it’s not anything urgent but might not be material for a quick look from your phone =)

This has been a tough time for you, I know. You’ve got quite a bit going on, and are doing an admirable job of holding it all together. It can’t be easy, and the challenge of living with great joy and suffering is something that takes practice. I can’t say I’ve handled it particularly well the last year. But the waves have their own shape and content and sometimes we simply have to see them through.

First of all, I want to say I’m sorry you lost mom. I know that might seem like a funny thing to say, considering you are my sister, but I recognize that the relationship you had with her was unique and a bond that can’t be replicated. I’m so very sorry, it hurts me a great deal to watch you struggle with it and I know from my own experience that that struggle and suffering is in every moment, behind all of the events, and thoughts, and strands of our lives.

Continue reading I sent this letter to my sister about missing our mom during the holidays

On being an LGBTQ ally

I was talking to a friend the other night about being an ally. I’ve always been comfortable with lesbian/gay/bi folks, but if I’m being honest trans/genderqueer and other alternate identities make me nervous. Not because I have issues with those identities but because I’m not sure I know enough about them to even have a conversation and I don’t want to be insensitive or stick my foot in my mouth.

Continue reading On being an LGBTQ ally

Contrary to the lessons of modern culture, it is not when we shut the world and other people out that we become stronger. It is when we allow ourselves to be changed, to hope, to dream, to fail, to grieve, that we become better and stronger in our humanity.