I’m more curious to hear how other people who’ve gone through divorce feel about it, but since I get asked this question fairly regularly I figured I’d give it a shot.
There are obviously some variables, mainly consisting of meeting the right person. It’s not something I feel very optimistic about or even necessarily want (normal for someone in my situation I think) so it’s sort of hard to imagine getting married again.
But there’s a much deeper concern I have with marriage as an institution. I think the reality is that even if you are working a relationship in the healthiest way possible (and who’s doing that?!) it puts some pretty serious pressures on two people (or 3 or 4 if polyamory is more your speed).
All of the things that go into a healthy relationship and have to happen for that relationship to stay healthy, seem to function better in people I know who are not married. I think it’s because cultural norms around marriage do have a static quality to them, though certainly not everyone who’s married is restricted by this. But this idea that you’ll love someone forever and ever and you’ll sign this document that says you’ll support them no matter what……well what if they make a decision to be a crappy person down the line? What if he turns out not only to be a jerk but addicted to pills as well and stealing to support his habit? Or she unilaterally decides to re-mortgage the house, blow the money on a trip to Costa Rica and then returns asking for forgiveness?
It seems to me that a good, healthy relationship comes with constant re-evaluation and honesty, and all we can do is keep working at that and saying how it is for us in our lives. The institution of marriage as practiced by most people I see / hear / read about seems to be concerned with reassurance, as if we can decide how things are and never have to change them again. I can see marriage working as a concept, but it seems like it comes with more baggage than it’s worth.