Nerves

Nerve wracking weekend.

Spent most of it so far working out in my head what to do about my dad. He’s getting to the point where I’m not comfortable with him driving. Worried he’s going to hurt himself or others in an accident, so I’m trying to figure out out to broach the subject. It’s very complicated, questions of independence, ability, and judgment.

I’m angry too. Not at him, but at the situation. One year almost from  my mom’s death, now this moment where the options are limited. They don’t tell you this when you are young, everyone says “life’s not fair” and that it’s going to be hard, but no one bothers to mention that even if you do the right thing and give a damn about your life and the people in it you may still be faced with equally terrible decisions.

He’s starting to say things that don’t quite make sense, I can see him working to put things together but I’m not sure they fit. I know, of course, about dementia and all the other sorts of things that can happen. I’ve worked so hard to be supportive, yet there’s so little I can do. You’re just managing the shitshow, my friend Mark used to say.

Sounds about right.

 

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2 thoughts on “Nerves”

  1. I watched my mom care for both of my grandparents towards the ends of their lives. My grandfather started with saying things that didn’t make a lot of sense…wanting to get a dog….when she tried to reason with him about that not being the best idea, he hollered “I want a damn dog! Find me a dog!” She said she’d try, but never did.
    He’d try to convince my grandmother they should go to dinner at 8pm (their bedtime was 7pm)…that’s when my mom and dad talked about my grandfather not driving anymore.

    She gave his keys to her brother. She would go to their house every day to see if there was anywhere they needed to go, or anything they needed at all, and she’d either drive them or take care of it herself.

    Its hard thing to have to care for your parents, to have to make decisions for them, in their best interest. Maybe your dad will appreciate it, even though he might be pissed…doing the right thing sucks sometimes.

    Good luck to you.

    1. There’s definitely no easy way to watch a parent’s health decline. Being forced to manage the process means letting go of the idea that you’ll be able to do the right vs. wrong thing….since you can only do the best you can think of and that’s still not going to be ideal.

      It’s also rare that there are clear lines. For example Alzheimer’s patients usually go in and out of lucidity, so one moment things make perfect sense and the next moment they don’t know where they are. I wish it was an easier process but it’s just not.

      Thanks for the comment! Looking forward to reading a bit more of your blog..

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