1. Services. Joe Cardillo, from time to time and as designated by himself and at his sole discretion, shall perform certain friend/and or acquaintance activities and services on behalf of his friends, acquaintances, and close companions. The “Activities” and “Services” can include but are not limited to “Having a Beer,” “Going Over Niagara Falls in a Barrel,” rocanroll of the highest order, and may also be referred to by the term “Event” in conjunction with this “Agreement.” Friends, acquaintances, and close companions shall adhere to all technical requirements communicated by Joe Cardillo, and shall, in connection with each event (as defined above) provide Joe Cardillo with all necessary information, including but not limited to what activities they would like to do together, background for any requests that they may ask of him, emotional and mental presence (“Be Here Now”) and/or allow all access information and other reasonable cooperation that may be required for the performance of the Services.
2. Term and Termination. The term of this Agreement shall commence on the date and time friend or acquaintance requests an event, or initiates an event de facto. For example, agreeing to participate in an activity or simply “Dropping By” will be construed as events covered under this Agreement. Unless otherwise agreed upon and clearly defined by verbal and/or written communication, the Agreement shall be in effect upon the initiation of the Event. The parties shall be entitled to terminate this Agreement a) upon any material uncured default or breach of this Agreement by the other party or b) instantaneously upon verbal and/or written notice. If other parties are happening and are awesome, Joe Cardillo reserves the right to attend them and/or immediately terminate this agreement in full.
3. License. Subject to any limitations set forth in this Agreement, Friend or Acquaintance hereby grants to Joe Cardillo a non-exclusive, worldwide, perpetual, royalty-free license to use, copy, reproduce, digitize, store electronically, display, transmit over the Internet and distribute any awesome thing you say or do, intentionally hilarious or otherwise. However, the right of Anonymity shall be kept at all times; therefore this agreement binds Joe Cardillo not to reveal the name and/or likeness of anyone without their prior verbal and/or written consent. Joe Cardillo being a reasonable dude, will do his best to stay within the realm of decency, not limited to but exampled by keeping secrets and treating each person by the Golden Rule. E.g. “pillowtalk” shall be construed as an item which he would not reveal unless under extreme duress, say, if it would potentially save the world from a totally uncool nuclear spring. Or winter. Something like that, man.
4. Ownership. Friend and acquaintance shall acknowledge that for any event and/or interaction covered under this agreement, they do not own Joe Cardillo, either in physical or metaphysical form. In sum, Joe Cardillo also acknowledges that he neither directly nor indirectly shall own any other person in physical or metaphysical form, or, yo problems are yo problems and this isn’t 1794 so don’t use backwards terms like “Ownership.”
5. Fees and Invoicing. Free willy. Nobody’s paying no one no how for nothing. Doesn’t negate this Agreement in any way though.
6. Communication and Correspondence. By entering into this Agreement the friend or acquaintance does not relinquish their right to avoid emails, text messages, or more ancient forms of communication, like talking. Additionally, at no time will your communication avenues be restricted by cubed meat of an unknown origin. Homie don’t play that.
7. Rocanrol. Joe Cardillo, shall, at his sole discretion, engage in deliberate and not so deliberate acts of rocanroll whether agreed to by friend or acquaintance at time of said Event or not. Also, he urges you to keep in mind that it ain’t noise pollution.
8. Indemnification. Friend or acquaintance shall indemnify and hold harmless Joe Cardillo from and against any and all claims, losses, damages, liabilities, costs and expenses (including reasonable attorneys’ fees) arising out of or relating to any breach by friend or acquaintance, of a generally “Very Not Dude” attitude.
Joe Cardillo shall promptly notify friend or acquaintance of any such claim of which he becomes aware and shall, with all costs for White Russians (“Caucasians”) to be paid by friend/acquaintance, look into whatever the situation is and figure out how it all ties the room together.
9. Rights Reserved by Joe Cardillo. All of ‘em.
10. No Warranty. Joe Cardillo is not responsible and shall not be liable for verifying any facts espoused by friend or acquaintance in the course of any Event. He shall also not be responsible for any stupid ideology or thought that comes from anyone’s poor quality swiss cheese of a brain. SINCE EVERY TERMS AND CONDITIONS FORM I COPIED FROM HAD IT, THIS IS THE SECTION WHERE JOE CARDILLO SAYS SOMETHING IN ALL CAPS ABOUT NOT MAKING ANY REPRSENTATION OR WARRENTIES EXPRESS OR IMPLIED IN CONNECTION WITH SERVICES AND ACTIVITIES.
11. Force Majeure. Neither party shall be liable for any failure to perform any obligation hereunder, or from any delay in the performance thereof, due to causes beyond its control, including industrial disputes of whatever, acts of God, public enemies or of government. Any performance must be only on a reciprocal basis, as this aggression of receiving but not giving will not stand.
Either party may terminate this Agreement upon verbal or written notice to the other party in the event of some crazy stuff happening for a long time.
12. Beards. Beards can and will happen at anytime. Any attempt to dissuade Joe Cardillo from having one, liking them, or generally any beard activity at all, will be met with full and active force. Consequences can include but are not limited to, Angry Looks, witholding of delicious homemade cupcakes, and watching endless re-runs of Homeboys from Outer Space.
13. Miscellaneous. This Agreement, its terms and the enforcement thereof shall be in effect for as long as it’s in effect, and then when it’s not it won’t be. Peace be with you all of my friends, including but not limited to beatniks, uptight young urban professionals, laid back young urban professionals, lazy beard wearing college students, rad writers, musicians, and artists, and then some.